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  As we celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday, I wanted to share some simple truths I learned about the power of gratitude in marriage. Think of gratitude like sunlight. Sunlight doesn’t force anything to grow but simply creates the environment where growth becomes possible. As you know from the last two weeks of me blogging on the topic “Love is a Choice”, choosing gratitude is one of the fastest ways to return to unity because it shifts your focus from the problem to the partnership . One of the most powerful truths about gratitude is this: You cannot stay in a negative emotional posture while actively giving thanks. Did you know that research shows that gratitude reduces anxiety, increases emotional resilience, and improves relationship satisfaction. Couples who practice thankfulness feel safer, more valued, and more connected. Most fundamental best practices are based on foundational biblical principles. I personally think about 1 Thessalonians 5:18: In everything give thanks; ...

During hard seasons, couples often lose their sense of physical closeness. Physical intimacy is still possible during periods of difficulty. Intimacy is not about performance, it’s about choosing to be present despite disagreement,  disappointment, or frustration. Life may stretch your marriage thin. But love chosen has the power to rebuild what hardship tries to break. Physical intimacy may not return overnight but will certainly return through tenderness, forgiveness, prayer, presence, and unity. Remember, you don’t have to feel close to choose closeness. Even if you don’t feel desire, always protect your connection with your spouse whether you feel in love or not.  Actions don't have to be big but should be genuine. Even small action matter. Focus on emotional safety, kindness, and tenderness. Physical intimacy returns strongest when each of you to feel secure in your relationship  regardless of what is going on. Practical Step: Establish “pressure-free closeness time”...

Sometimes life gets so loud, stressful, or heavy that couple intimacy gets caught in the crossfire. Intimacy often fades because life pressures pull couples' hearts into survival mode. The truth is that conflict, trauma, financial strain, health scares, or emotional exhaustion can shake intimacy even in the strongest marriages. And it’s not because the love is gone but because life can be so stressful and heavy that intimacy gets caught in the crossfire. For a healthy marriage , it is important to restore intimacy . Choose to rebuild intimacy . Think of intimacy like a garden. Storms may flatten the flowers, but storms don’t destroy roots. With the right care, what once looked fragile can grow back stronger, deeper, and more connected than before. Rebuild slowly, intentionally, and beautifully for a great harvest. Here’s something every couple should know - stress impacts intimacy. Not because anything is “wrong,” but because the body is designed to prioritize survival over connec...

Every couple argues. Even the most loving, faithful, God-centered marriages have moments when conflict occurs and sparks fly - and not the romantic kind of sparks. Couples who endure are not the ones who avoid arguing. Couples who endure are the ones who refuse to stop choosing each other. James and I often tell couples in counseling that love is not a one-time “I do.” It’s a lifetime of “I still do,” spoken in a thousand small ways — through forgiveness, patience, laughter, and loyalty. Your commitment is eternal. When you keep choosing love, feelings follow and connection deepens because love practiced becomes love felt . “Let all that you do be done in love.” — 1 Corinthians 16:14 When couples choose to live as partners on the same team, everything shifts. start seeing each other as opponents instead of , even small disagreements can turn into major battles. But when we remember that we’re  Love isn’t about avoiding conflict but about handling conflict together. Choosing love i...

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, who has studied marriages for over 40 years, discovered that couples who are successful don’t avoid conflict but choose kindness, patience, and respect in moments when anger or pride could take over. Studies show the heartbeat of lasting marriages is choosing unity over ego. I dare say choosing a Godly approach to love, even when your emotions don’t align, results in a deeper, richer kind of relationship.  The choice is commitment to one another, even during conflict. Here’s something to remember about choice that sustains love: Stronger, Godly marriages are built on choosing what is right, not just what’s easy or convenient. Some fundamental best practices for loving through conflict include: 1) offering grace instead of criticism. 2) Stay in the room rather than walking away unless you have an agreed upon timeout. 3) Keep your vows not just with your words, but with your actions. This means honoring your routines and responsibilities even when you a...

Love rooted in decision, not emotion , is what creates lasting joy and connection. Let's continue to explore God's model of love for you to experience happy, healthy marriages that last because your foundation is strong. Feelings change and can’t be trusted as a foundation of love. But God’s design for love is based on an act of will and sacrifice , not fleeting desire. The most important element of this concept is an intentional decision to love in contrast to automatic feelings that you can't control.  James and I know how important understanding this model is for couples to create lasting relationships. We both experienced the pain of divorce. I'm not trying to minimize any marital situation that has caused anyone to consider divorce. I just want to encourage couples never to use a permanent solution to resolve a temporary problem. Couples will have conflict, difficulty, and seasons of disconnect . This is when every decision we make can strengthen our bonds of co...

You know that heart-skipping, exciting feeling you called love when you met your spouse? Think back to the long conversations, laughter, and desire to always be together. Beautiful, isn’t it? We often confuse those fleeting feelings, or emotions, with love. But here’s the truth: feeling like these are largely reactions to stimuli with responses that is not meant to last forever. Choice always outlasts emotion. This week, we are continuing our theme of teaching love as a choice. Thankfully, God's example of love is not based on fleeting feelings but on faithful commitment. We were created in His image and must also love others as He loves us. Yes, your love may have began as a spark. But science and Scripture both confirm that real love endures because it’s chosen. The consensus of research related to relationship science estimates that the brain’s “in love” chemical cocktail — dopamine, norepinephrine, and oxytocin has an average peak range of  6 to 24 months. Of course, this phase...

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” — Lao Tzu It’s funny how people assume a strong marriage means an easy marriage. The truth is every healthy marriage has its share of silent nights and tearful prayers. Ours was no exception. I’ve come to realize: marriage isn’t about being perfect together but about growing together. God uses the tension, the misunderstandings, even the moments of doubt, to refine us — to stretch us toward grace. One fundamental best practice is to pause before responding. when your emotions are running high. Take a breath, say a short prayer, and ask God to help you listen before you speak. Listening is key. That small act can turn conflict into connection. Marriages will have conflict. Marital satisfaction is not based on the absence of conflict, but based on the couples ability to recover from the disagreement. Making an effort to build trust, a sense of understanding, and close connection is more impo...

Children in blended families sometimes experience emotions that may feel like a tug-of-war. Some days your children may appear and act hopeful while other days they may be equally distant, angry, or confused. Don’t take it personal. Healing isn’t linear. Children of all ages require time to adjust to their new family structure. Acceptance and trust will occur, with time, when parents show patience, build connection, and create new family traditions and routines. Trust is the bridge that makes blending families possible. Trust is built over time through consistent acts of love, kindness, and dependability, not through grand gestures. Instead of instantaneously, experts estimate it could take four to seven years for a blended family to feel unified. If you’re in the first couple of years of marriage and wondering why it’s still tough, take heart — you’re not failing, you’re forming. Love and affection in family develop gradually through shared experiences in daily life, not just special ...

  Marriage and creating a family, even a blended family, should be like mixing two colors of paint — once you mix paint together, you can’t separate them again. Getting paint colors to blend evenly sometimes takes time and even patience. This is also true for couples bringing themselves and any children from another partner into a family. In fact, it not only takes time and patience, but a whole lot of grace as well. We know this because we lived it. When my first marriage ended, I never imagined I would experience love again. But God, in His mercy, forgave my divorce, healed my brokenness, and allowed me to experience love and covenant as He designed marriage. It is true. God is a God of healing, hope, and second chances. Blended families can be quite complex. There are schedules to manage, emotions to soothe, loyalties to balance, and hearts to heal. The truth is, every person in a blended family has experienced some form of hurt or loss — divorce, separation, time, space, and or...