Covenantstrong.org

Real talk family. Traditional wedding vows are beautiful but most of the familiar wedding vow language ("for better, for worse," "for richer, for poorer," etc.) is not quoted directly from Scripture. Traditional vows were developed over centuries by the Church to summarize biblical principles of covenant marriage. In fact, before wedding ceremonies, wedding bands, and traditional vows, Scripture gave couples a blueprint for what covenant love should look like. A good example of a marital Foundational Biblical Principle (FBP) is Genesis 2:24 (NIV) "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." This is a promise to leave and cleave. It places the marital relationship as of greater priority than the relationship between parent in child(ren). Don’t misunderstand. There is great responsibility in becoming a parent. But as an adult, when you marry, you build a new family identity with  your spouse.  This vo...

 

Real talk family. There are many sacred promises hidden inside our traditional wedding vows. One of the most emotional moments for me is when I hear the couple promise “To love and to cherish, till death do us part” Often times, these words indicate we are coming to the end of the ceremony. But not before couples solidify their covenant, for a lifetime, in front of witnesses. The magitude of our vows normally causes guest to grow quiet. People smile through tears as everyone anticipates the beauty of forever. “To love and to cherish, till death do us part” are promises meant to shape how people live, love, forgive, connect, and remain faithful to one another in their marriage for a lifetime. These words actually are evidence that love was never meant to be casual. As shared in one of my previous blogs, love should not be treated like a feeling that comes and goes. Emotions are too fleeting for that. When emotions are high, love feels easy until life becomes stressful. In fact, some peo...

 

Some parts of our vows sound poetic on a wedding day. Because it is tradition, we recite vows before they become real. But these vows specifically, like the ones last week, are vows that life gives weight. And if I am honest, these vows are deeply personal in my own story. Many of you that know us, know that we almost lost James. And that changed everything. But if you talk to our children, family, and close friends, they will tell you life changed for us early in our marriage when sickness changed our lives and family dynamic. Hospitalization and quietness in our home became routine as I went from specialist to specialist to find out what was happening to my body. Eventually, praise God, we learned our to manage our diagnosis to enjoy a good quality of life.  What does “In sickness and in health” mean? An example that I often share is an early memory of my marriage. As you know, music is an important element of our love story. James and I enjoyed Flashback festivals in Atlanta whe...

Real talk family: When we think about the part of our wedding vows that says “To Have and To Hold” we must consider the deep implication of acceptance, presence, and closeness. These words are about being entrusted with someone’s heart, life, vulnerability, tenderness, and truth (have). Its foundation is spiritual but also entails physical, emotional, and relational closeness with your mate for a lifetime (hold). The “have” aspect of our vows is related to entering into a covenant relationship that is exclusive. It signifies that you are taking your spouse and accepting them unconditionally.  From this day forward specifies a lifetime, a lifelong commitment in covenant relationship. The benefit of marriage includes the trust and safety each person is afforded in covenant relationship. It is more than an emotional commitment. You are not only connected by this vow, but, you spiritually build a life together, becoming one flesh under God’s design for marriage.  Covenant marriage...

  I hope you missed me delivering my weekly blog. I was without my laptop mid-March and just decided it was too much to update this blog via phone (I’m still very old school). But I’m back. I'm excited about April blogs. We have a lot of good things to share. Let’s start this off talking a little more about passion in marriage. To have passion, chemistry must exist, right? Wrong.  Chemistry is magnetic. It pulls you in without effort. But what many couples eventually discover is that while chemistry is instant, presence, connection, and partnership is built over time. Partnership steadies love. This kind of steady love is lasting because it’s achieved through time spent building something special together. This kind of love includes patience with each other’s differences and most importantly, being fully present in the process. One of the things you will appreciate most about intentional presence is how passion matures as a result of it. Yes, passion. While James and I had the...

Real talk family. How do you define commitment? Some people only recognize commitment when they struggle with it. But commitment is not about staying in the struggle. It is about the daily choice to love, live, remain, and sustain. When you are grateful for your spouse, staying isn’t a burden but a privilege. When you value your relationship, staying committed and choosing your spouse doesn’t feel heavy because it is rooted in appreciation instead of obligation. Commitment isn’t simply enduring but rather building and sustaining a love that will last. You become protective of your relationship. You enjoy time together to naturally nurture what you’re becoming. In our story, a strong, healthy relationship wasn’t built overnight. Our relationship grew through our daily decisions. It took effort and the willingness, patience, and grace to learn each other deeply and to love the good, bad, and the ugly. Then what started with chemistry matured into covenant. That’s the beauty of marriage....

Did you know gratitude often has a quiet power that is beneficial to our relationships. When you show love and appreciation for the everyday, big and small things your spouse does, it builds connection and softens tension. Why is gratitude important? Because we all should remember that even everyday, ordinary tasks we do in our home for one another are acts of love.  When couples focus on what is positive,  instead of what is negative, and what they are thankful for,  instead of what is missing, something beautiful happens. Criticism loses volume as tenderness and connection increases. And while gratitude doesn’t ignore challenges, it helps minimize how challenges define your whole relationship. In our own journey, I’ve learned that expressing appreciation to James lets him know that i don't take him for granted. It reminds James that his contributions matter. And the same for me. And that’s why  I started the 10-day gratitude challenge. Reflection Tip: Today, expres...

Welcome back, family. Today’s subject is timely based on a number of conversations with people we’ve had over the past couple of months, both husbands and wives. Lately, as we’ve talked with couples, we’ve noticed a common thread in their language.  “Marriage is a lot of work.” “Relationships are hard.” “Relationships shouldn’t be this hard” “I’m just tired.” And if we’re honest, we understand where those words come from and why couples feel strained as they become one. Becoming one is not something that happens overnight or even over a few years. It is an ongoing process that is not always easy. Yes, marriage requires effort. It is true that relationships often stretch us. And sometimes, especially in seasons of stress or misunderstanding, love can feel heavy and even feel like a lot of work. But consider this in those moments: Our earthly relationships are a reflection of our spiritual relationship with our Father.  Think about your conversion. Everything did not immediately...

There is a quiet ache many people carry into relationships. It is the hope of being loved, paired with the fear of being truly known. To be known means to be seen. And to be seen means to risk rejection which is hard for all of us, regardless of our age, gender, or status. Yet, acceptance , real acceptance , is one of the greatest gifts love can offer. This week’s blog will focus on the gift of acceptance . Acceptance is not loving someone for who they could be, your dream version of a person, or even the potential that you see. All of those ideas may be included in your love. But true acceptance means that you love them for who they already are, not who you (are them) want to be. Long before James and I ever became a couple, we were friends. And even then, something about talking or being around James felt safe. I could talk. Really talk. This made it easy to share everything with James. I shared my disappointments, my hurts, my fears, and yes, even the parts of myself I believed mad...

Scripture: “Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain.” — Psalm 127:1 (NIV) Reflection: Strong marriages are built when God is at the center. This year, we want to be intentional about keeping God at the center of our relationship instead of keeping life so busy that God is placed on the sidelines, waiting to be put in the game. Today, we recommit our covenant to God. We choose one another daily, and commit to the work of strengthening our marriages day-after-day. We recommit to protecting the priority of our marriage, with God at the center.  Prayer: God, we place our marriage fully in Your hands. Lead us, strengthen us, and continue writing our love story. Amen. Intentional Action: Holding hands, reaffirm your commitment to God and to each other out loud.

Scripture: “A cheerful heart is good medicine.” — Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)  Reflection: Did you know that fun, laughter, and leisure activities create an essential relationship dynamic that should never be neglected. This represents the time couples spend together to focus on them. It nourishes, replenishes, and strengthens relationships in such a way that not only supports high relationship satisfaction, but also enables a deeper connection for couples to navigate difficult seasons in their relationship easier and better. Remember that joy belongs in marriage too. Nurture your friendship. Friendship is essential to lasting love. Prayer: God, restore joy and lightness in our marriage. Help us laugh, play, and have fun together. Help us to move from our normal routines to be intentional about time together to share our love and lives. We recommit ourselves to honor our vows to love and to cherish till death do us part. Amen. Intentional Action: Do something fun. Create a date night ...

Scripture: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” — James 1:19 (NIV) Reflection: Healthy communication isn’t about winning. It is important to seek understanding whether you agree or disagree with your partner’s perspective. Why understanding? Remember, you are on the same team with different players in the game. Healthy communication allows you to seek understanding for the good of the whole (husband, wife) verses seeking to win which is more focused on self and an individualistic perspective. No matter the situation, always be careful with your words. Choose words that heal, not harm. Prayer: Lord, guide our words. Help us speak truth with love and listen with humility. Amen. Intentional Action: Practice listening without interrupting or defending.

It’s easy to get lost in daily frustrations like bills, miscommunications, and unmet expectations. During the holiday season, busyness and financial stressors can add to your normal, everyday toll. Like Christmas, love is not about receiving, but giving, especially giving what God created as essential gifts to a relationship. This includes things like kindness, patience, mercy, and love.  So, as shared in my previous blogs, the early part of our marriage was difficult to navigate. This was a surprise since we were close friends long before anything romantic happened between us. We made the decision to approach marriage God's way. We discovered that when we prayed together, even short prayers, our disagreements softened and our relationship was strengthened. Our focus shifted from all our frustration to our shared faith. We found that faith helped us zoom out to realize what truly matters, two imperfect people learning to love like Christ.  According to a 2023 Barna study, cou...

There are moments in marriage that don’t come with a date or a calendar reminder — moments that slip in quietly, so softly you almost miss them. But later, when you look back, you realize:  This was the moment my heart understood what my vows meant. For me, it happened early in our marriage after we decided to approach marriage differently, God's way. James was sitting on the couch, tired from the day, yet peaceful. James is always the calm that is a steady anchor to my sometimes stormy intensity.  I remember watching him for a moment, not as the friend I once confided in, and not even as the husband I was learning to navigate… but as the man God was using to teach me about love, marriage, and patience. We both were learning that marriage was something sacred. Not  me  and  him, but us . The edges of our individual lives were beginning to blend. No, things were not perfect, far from it, but it was evident that God was weaving us together thread by thread, breath...

It’s funny how the people closest to you can see love forming before you ever recognize it. My best friend saw James’s devotion long before I did once James stayed in the ER with her, refusing to leave her alone, even though he only knew her name. There was always something about the way James looked at me. Something that felt good, sincere - something that felt like home. It was then I suddenly realized - maybe love had been there all along. Maybe I had just been too guarded to see it.  Love doesn’t always arrive with grand gestures. Sometimes it arrives quietly through consistency, loyalty, gentleness, and a steady presence that you didn’t realize had become essential to your life. I believe God's design for love is similar to how he created sunrises. The sun reveals itself slowly at first, then suddenly everything is flooded with light. The sunrise is like a glimpse at greatness, followed by the fulfillment of God's promise.  Our love story was a whirlwind that wasn’t chaot...

Long before I knew I loved James, I trusted him completely. I enjoyed our friendship. I enjoyed how James made me feel accepted and emotionally safe any time I was in his presence. Looking back, I realize that love had its eyes on me long before the room turned dark on the dance floor that opened my heart to new possibilities. And maybe that’s why this part of our story still feels like a  miracle to me… because sometimes the greatest gifts are wrapped in seasons we never expected. It felt easy, safe, and familiar. James and I had created a rhythm built on years of small conversations about everything, nothing was off limits. We talked about our love of music, life, disappointments, family and faith. All of those shared lunches had somehow stitched our hearts closer together without either of us noticing. There’s a sweetness in knowing we didn’t rush into romance.  We grew  into love.  We were friends and then one day, without warning, the friend I leaned on became t...

We are taking this December, my favorite time of year, to make my blog posts more personal. I hope it will provide you a little insight as to why James and I created covenantstrong.org to share our story, our voice, discovered resources, relationship information, and hope - mostly hope - for couples everywhere to become examples for healthy, happy, successful marriages. This blog is the first of my Christmas series. I hope it blesses you enough to share my articles with others. Happy holidays. We love you.   There are moments in life you don’t plan for; moments that sneak in quietly, tap you on the shoulder, and whisper, “Pay attention… everything is about to change.”  I didn’t know a causal night out to celebrate a December birthday of a close friend would be one of them. The room was lit with soft reds and golds: the kind of warm glow that feels like Christmas even when it isn’t. People laughed, the music played, and I remember thinking I was just there to support my fr...

  As we celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday, I wanted to share some simple truths I learned about the power of gratitude in marriage. Think of gratitude like sunlight. Sunlight doesn’t force anything to grow but simply creates the environment where growth becomes possible. As you know from the last two weeks of me blogging on the topic “Love is a Choice”, choosing gratitude is one of the fastest ways to return to unity because it shifts your focus from the problem to the partnership . One of the most powerful truths about gratitude is this: You cannot stay in a negative emotional posture while actively giving thanks. Did you know that research shows that gratitude reduces anxiety, increases emotional resilience, and improves relationship satisfaction. Couples who practice thankfulness feel safer, more valued, and more connected. Most fundamental best practices are based on foundational biblical principles. I personally think about 1 Thessalonians 5:18: In everything give thanks; ...